Hannah May- An insight to the strange British Stereotypes

Someone posted earlier this week about common American Stereotypes, and it got me thinking. British stereotypes aren’t all that different, but considering that I’m guessing alot of you may be American, or may be British, I thought I’d enlighten you.

Let’s get one thing straight, we don’t play football, or have pretty cheerleaders,(Well we have a cheerleading squad at my school, but basically they do ten star jumps and then they fall into a sweaty pile on the floor; you get my drift) nor do we have mean jocks who stuff people into lockers.

I’ll begin with the stereotype that Britain is probably most commonly known for.

(Insert Jaws theme tune here)

THE CHAV also known as THE NED.

For those who have lived under the rock- A Chav is a human sub-species which live in Burberry tracksuits, smoke underage to look nailz ( nailz- say that so they sound ‘hard’, commonly said as ‘You gotta problem with me, I’m well hard. I’m nailz’), and impregnate their Chavettes (The female in the species of Chav).

The Chav is usually someone who plays football, but over the years they have evolved. No longer does the Chav have to play football to be a Chav. All you need to do is tuck your socks into your trackies (the battle armour of today’s chavs), speak like you’ve got something shoved up your behind, and wear a chap at all times. The golden rule is that you have to speak like you’re a 6ft 5 bodybuilder in a scrawny 5ft 4 body covered in an unattractive sprinkle of ache. Chavs can usually be found drinking buck fast and smoking around the back of the school.

Chavettes can usually be found not far from the Chav. They are usually either sporting a mixture of mousy brown and bleach blonde hair, a low cut neon top, and huge hoop earrings which look like fish hooks. They go for the ‘just-walked-out-of-wonka’s-factory look (Oompalumpa ring a bell?) or maybe they were born looking like cheesy wotsits? (FAKE TAN OVERLOAD). Usually pregnant at a young age, try to look like hot momma’s with their £1 bug eye glasses from Primark (A cheaper version of H&M) and their weirdly named Chav spawn in a pram; called either Banana, apple or Peaches or some commonly known fruit.

The Scene Beans

Also known as Scene kids; Emo’s or the correct term, emotionally unbalanced.

Usually sport a strange asymmetrical haircut that is brightly coloured and strange eyeliner doodles all over their faces. Their clothes reflect that they are ‘individual’ (basically they all look the same) and that they are ‘different’. Scene kids are usually outgoing, hyper, and a little bit creepy sometimes.

Emo’s on the other hand usually where black and are most uncommunicative, they are deep, emotional and like listening to wild men screaming like raving looneys. They are usually unhappy with their lives and they show it through their clothing, make-up, music tastes and obviously their unwilling attitudes towards most things.

The Gossips

Occasionally pretty, usually girls who have nothing better to do than sit around and talk about anyone and anything, the usual, normally nosey and only talk to you unless you have insider info, or they want something. They usually say like about a million times per sentence, trying to sound like the Stereotyped American cheerleader, but fail miserably. They also where alot makeup and reapply it frequently throughout the day.

The preps

The posh-totty, who attempt to try and pull off the I’m-a-boarding-school-girl, with their very English accents and posh clothes, when in fact they go to a public school and no one really cares if their your daddy bought them real Ugg boots for your birthday, because frankly, most people don’t care (Ugg boots; woolly boots worn by most preps, along with all their other designer stuff; very overpriced for what they actually are). They usually try to sound all innocent and perfect, but they are normally busy with a boy daddy doesn’t know about, or are smoking illegal substances to ‘rebel’

The people who you just avoid like the plague

They can occasionally be nice but are labelled as above because they either-

a) Smell really, really, really bad.

b) Always stare at you

c) The strange silent ones who always look like they are plotting evil schemes

d) The know-it-all’s

e) The bitches who you can feel staring at you; proving that looks can kill.

The Skaters

Usually skating everywhere, all sporting the same sweepy hair-do which they swish to the side to attract the opposite sex, usually fairly attractive, but lack personality and or, any common sense. Some do, and are quite nice. Good all-rounder’s as they get on with most social groups apart from the other sub-species; the Chav.

The Know-it-alls

They know everything; they speak so much in class that you kill them over and over in your head because they never shut up; the equivalent of the American Nerd, but much more vocal and much more irritating. They win every award, and usually have an annoying laugh and annoying friends who alot know everything. Usually misunderstood as they occasionally quite nice, but avoided by others because they feel intimidated by their intelligence.

Finally- Those who are relatively normal/ slightly Immature

If you don’t fit in the above categories, then you come in here, like me. Yay! You are merely normal, but occasionally you can grab a few strange looks for everyone. The normals are usually found laughing, smiling or doing something stupid. They aren’t normal, but they are in comparison to some of the above groups.

****

I hope this gave you an insight into the...interesting insight into British Stereotypes. Yeh it’s exaggerated, but I enjoyed writing it. This may not apply every British school...but it most certainly applies to mind. Leave a comment telling me if you enjoyed this piece, this was my first stab at anything funny/humorous and I really enjoyed writing it.

Thanks for reading Folks!

By Hannah-May